Just some thoughts

Just had to write down some thoughts so when I look back at this time in our lives, I can remember how I was feeling. 
Having 3 boys under the age of 5 is hard, I mean really hard.  I am not sure how I get through some days, they are chaotic, really crazy and so challenging.  I find myself losing my patience more times than I would like to admit and making mistakes every day.  I wonder sometimes if I am doing anything right.  Emery & Owen are very strong willed...I mean as strong willed as they come (gee I wonder where they get that from :-) but it makes for challenging behaviors and lots of opportunities for discipline.  There are a lot of times when all 3 boys need something at the same time and I want to pull my hair out.  Emery & Owen fight like crazy (they are only 16 months apart) and that's the hardest thing for me.  It is emotionally and physically exhausting, especially right now while pregnant. 

We have good days and not so good ones, but I am trying to focus on the positive moments.  Parenting is the most difficult job in the world.  But when Emery says to me out of the blue, "mommy, I love you" and Owen just comes over to me and gives me a hug and tells me he loves me or when Jake looks at me and smiles and puts his head on my shoulder and cuddles, then all of the other stuff goes out the window.  Tonight, while eating dinner, Emery says "mommy, I feel Jesus in my heart, it feels so good, is that the Spirit?".  Or the times I see Owen and Emery playing so well together and they will just hug each other and make each other laugh like crazy (or wrestle each other on the ground) and tell each other that they love one another, those are the moments to cherish forever.  It's those moments when I feel like maybe we are doing some things right :-)

I have to remember that things won't be like this forever and in fact this time is flying by.  I know some day I will look back and miss these days, as hard as they are, because they are truly special.  I always think "This too shall pass" and that is bitter sweet for me.  I love being their mommy and know I have been given such a huge responsibility by my father in heaven to care and nurture these children.  I just ask for forgiveness on the days I don't do so well and try to do better the next day.  I have lots of anxiety about bringing #4 into the mix, but feel blessed and excited to have a baby girl coming :-)